Hetalia: The American Revolution
by Monkeycat31811
Summary: America is sick and tried of dealing with Britian so he decides to start a revolution so he can become free of Britian. Inspired by the American s Attic episode.


The American Revolution

*America walks to center stage dressed in casual clothes*

America: who would have ever thought that I would grow up to be so awesome! Big productions in the middle colonies, Atlantic trade networks in the New England colonies and their growing all these crops in the south. I`m like the best colony ever!

*American informer runs on stage*

American Informer: Sir! Sir! Britain is here!

America: Oh shit!

*Britain enters*

America: *guilty smile* hey Britain!

Britain: what are you doing?! Why aren't you drinking your daily tea? *looks at watch* its 3:30! You need to drink tea everyday so you become a smart and healthy country!

Britain: and what is with that ridiculous outfit!?

*America looks down at what he is wearing*

Britain: I told you last time I was here, no one is going to take you as a seriously in that!

America: Look thanks for the advice, Britain. But I'm doing fine doing things my way.

Britain: You're my brother country, how you do as a country reflects on me.

America: I'm doing fine, my people are awesome! My country is the best! We got trade going on, and big production companies and crops. Honestly, I don't think I need you anymore, Britain.

Britain: you are such an ungrateful child! You would be no where without me! I made you who you are today! Do you think if France had found you first, you`d be this successful or would have treated you as good as I had.

America: Dudes don't get your short in a bunch! I wouldn't get rid of you.

* America smiles*

*Britain smiles*

Scene 2:

Narrator: few years later Britain had managed to piss off America so much that America created a list of grievances and sent it to Britain. America`s grievances: cutting trade for America, imposing taxes without consent, and making Americans host British soldiers. Hence the start of the American Revolution.

*narrator goes backstage or to the back*

*Britain's desk is pushed center stage, desk says Britain `s desk on it. Britain comes out and sits at his desk and pretends to do work*

*after a good 10 seconds America walks in and slaps a piece of paper on Britain` s desk*

Britain: what is this?

America: it's an independent declaration!

Britain: I think you should call it a declaration of independence

America: Hum…that does sound better. Wait screw you! I am no longer a child and I will no longer be treated as one! I`m sick and tired of you taking advantage of me and my people!

Britain: *looking for something in his desk* America, what are you going on about?

America: read it!

*Britain rolls his eyes and reads the first line*

Britain: "When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and-"

America: Just read the 6th paragraph, the first 5 paragraphs are just Jefferson rambling on.

Britain: "We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown? and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States. " *Britain says next line kind of sad* so you want your own country?

America: yes!

Britain: hum….I'm going to go with a no.

America: You can't do that! I wrote- well I made Jefferson write this whole stupid document!

Britain: you are still a young colony; you don't have the wisdom to be your own country yet.

America: I am an awesome ass leader! I know how to make my people listen to me. My colony is wealthy and my people have pride. I can handle being my own country.

Britain: I don't think so.

America: then I declare war! If we win you give us our freedom!

Britain: *laughs* you want to go against a rich, skilled, intelligent country like me?

America: yes and I'll beat you! We`ll have our freedom and will be tormented by you no more.

Britain: ha ha ha! Oh America you slay me. You wouldn't stand a chance.

America: I think you're just chicken.

Britain: I'm not a chicken!

America: I think you are. * do the chicken arm thing* Buck! Buck! Buck!

Britain: stop it!

America: Britain is a chicken! Britain is a chicken!

Britain: fine! Fine! America you can have your war!

*America smiles with pride*

Scene 3:

*America is center stage with the Americans*

America: so as you know we are here to get ready for our battle with Britain. Who here has held or used a gun before?

*Americans look at him with blank stares*

*guy stretches arm*

America: was that a hand? No? Just stretching? Ok, then…..

*I`ll make a man out of you starts to play. All the Americans have fake guns. Most American are holding it wrong or sitting lazily.*

*America lip sync`s Shane's singing like he is yelling the lyrics to the Americans*

Let's get down to business

*when Shane says Huns Americans says British*

To defeat the Huns

Did they send me daughters?

When I asked for sons?

You're the saddest bunch

I ever met

But you can bet

Before we're through

Mister, I'll make a man

Out of you

*All Americans and America doing yoga poses*

Tranquil as a forest

*All Americans and America pretend to aim the guns* But on fire within

Once you find your center

You are sure to win *pretend to shoot*

*One guy facial expressions make it clear he missed*

*America looks to be yelling the next lyrics at the guy who missed*

You're a spineless, pale

Pathetic lot

And you haven't got a clue

Somehow I'll make a man

Out of you

*stop music*

* America thoughtful pose, Americans look clueless. Americans start shooting aimlessly, one American walks and trips on a gun.*

*America looks at his soldiers ashamed*

Scene 4:

*America stands in front of Americans*

America: ok so this is our first battle... and none of you really got any better on your fighting skills, but I'm sure when we get out there on the real battle field and have a gun in our face, all of you will remember your training and kick Britain's ass.

Scene 5

*Britain, British soldiers and America, and American soldiers on stage. American soldiers and British soldiers have fake guns ready. Britain is sitting in a chair relaxing*

*the British soldiers start saying boo boom boom and point their guns at different Americans. When the British soldiers point the gun at an American they fall.*

America: they weren't ready! Nobody said start! You guys cheated!

Britain: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Stupid America there is no such thing as cheating in war.

Narrator: After that most of the battles ended the same, with Britain winning and America losing miserably. But then…

*narrator steps back America and George Washington*

America: Washington! What kind of general are you! We haven't won a single battle!

Washington: Sir it's not my fault we don't-

America: I don't want to hear excuses, Washington! I want Britain defeated!

*America leaves in a huff*

Scene 6

*Washington and American troops are center stage*

Washington: ok I need a plain to defeat Britain or America is going to fire me. Does anyone have any ideas?

*soldier raises hand*

Washington: *excited* yes!? You what is it!?

Soldier: we should give them a hug.

Washiontion: Are you crazy? How-

Solder: no. they look like they need a hug, there always working so hard and fighting so hard they deserve a hug.

Soldier 2: I think we should plain a surprise attack on the troops at Trenton tomorrow December 26.

*Washington smiles* Washington: that is a brilliant Idea! We could cross the river with 2,400 soldiers and then March south way against the town. Then when we get to Trenton we….we could….. Seize the bridge over Assunpink Creek and prevent the enemy from leaving.

*American troops and Washington exit center stage. Narrator goes center stage with a fake laptop in her hand*

Narrator: So the Americans had a plain. Washington sent out the troops with America`s permission. All the troops went south until reaching Birmingham. Where the American soldiers split up. Major General Nathanael Greene's group turned inland to attack Trenton from the north while Sullivan's division moved to the river road to attack the west and south. Both groups of troops met the outskirts of Trenton…..blah blah blah scrolling scrolling…. Where the hell does this war end? Oh here it is: The Americans fell back to a field outside of town, Britain began a counterattack against the Americans. This was defeated with a hard hit and the Hessian commander fell mortally wounded and Britain was forced to surrender.

*American soldiers, British soldiers, Britain and Americans go on stage.*

*both sides make fake gun shooting each other making boom boom noises. Then one solider points a gun at Britain's general and he falls.*

*Britain look at each other not knowing what to do.*

Brit soldier: we surrender.

*Britain looks shocked*

*Britain run off stage*

Britain: *runs after them* *yells off stage* you can't do this! Who do you think we are?! Italy!?

America: *as if he can't believe it* we won? We actually won?

*all Americans cheer yay and high five each other*

Scene 7

America: whoa! Another win thanks to me!

*Americans look happy, excited*

American informer: I can't believe you won, and not by forfit, you actually beat Britain!

Washington: Hey I'm the one who came up with the battle strategies.

America: yeah yeah Washington you came up with the battle strategies. *does crazy hand thing and points to Washington*

Washington: I'm right here I can see you.

America: oh yeah….. Well this is awkward.

*France walks in*

France: *kind of creepily* Hello Alfred.

America: *kind of anger, kind of questioning* what are you doing here?

France: I want to give you money for food, supplies, men and weapons so you can continue kicking Britain's ass.

America: No way! This is so cool! Wait…..what's the catch?

France: no catch, I really just like seeing Britain getting its ass kicked.

America: awesome! Britain was totally wrong about you.

France: he talked about me? What did he say?

America: he said you were a creep.

France: what a hurtful thing to say.

Scene 8:

*French soldiers, American soldiers, America and France enter from the left. Britain and British soldiers enter from the right.*

Britain: What are you doing here?

France: me? Well haven't you herd me and Alfred have teamed up.

Britain: you can't do that! Your gana have solders from two nations! I only have soldiers from my nation!

America: Doesn't matter, no rules in war remember!

Scene 9:

Narrator: So as you guess after France joined forces with America they started to win a lot more battles.

*Washington sitting on the floor looking sad*

France: Washington, Cornwallis's base is in Yorktown!

Washington: *mockingly* Why don't you go tell America a partly he has come up with all these amazing battle tactics we been winning with.

France: you know I would love to hear about your petty problems, but honestly I'd rather destroy Britain in this war.

Washington: *crying* I wanted to be the hero, have everyone know my name and say he got us our freedom. But now *shakes his head and cries into his hands*

France: Get up! *pulls him to his feet* ugh! You stupid American! Look if you come up with another great strategy you will be making millions of people happy. You will single handedly be giving these people there freedom, and these people need their freedom cause Britain is stupid and is the worst country ever. Isn't that worth it just to know in your heart that you gave freedom to all these people.

Washington: *slumps to the floor again* no!

France: Ugh how about this? If you come up with a new battle tactics I'll give you 48,855,553 Euro

Washington: *angry* you can put a price on fame!

France: *rolls his eyes, France says next line sounding angry* Fine! If you come up with a new battle tactic I'll make sure everyone in your nation knows you're the one who come up with them.

Washington: I want the other nations to know too!

France: Deal.

Washington: you promise?

France: yes.

Washington: *Washington springs to his feet* Marquis de Lafayette and 5,000 American men are to block Cornwallis' escape route from Yorktown by land while the French naval fleet blocked the British escape by sea.

*France nods, then runs off stage*

Narrator: By September 28, Washington had managed to surround Yorktown with their forces.

SCENE 10

Narrator: three weeks of non-stop bombardment, both day and night, from cannon and artillery this happened…..

*narrator steps back*

*American soldiers, French on right and British soldiers on left fake shooting at each other*

*British soldiers shot one American than another American comes right in and take his place*

*Britain waves a white flag, but no one seems to notice*

Britain: STOP! WE SURRENDER! WE SURRENDER!

*all eyes on Britain*

Britain: that's it! Enough! This is madness!

Sparta dude: THIS IS SPARTA!

*everyone looks at Sparta dude with wtf face*

*Sparta dude walks away.*

Britain: America, This has been going on for way to long.

America: I want my freedom.

Britain: I understand, you can have your freedom. I`m sorry for all that I have done to you. I became greedy and I took you for granted. Now thousands of my best soldiers are dead, and worst of all I lost you. A great nation of brave, smart, prosperous people.

America: you really think that?

Britain: yes I do.

*Britain motions to his troops and they start to head stage left*

America: Hey Britain!

*Britain turn toward America*

America: Thanks for everything.

*CURTAIN*

The end


End file.
